Mom

When I look at my daughter, I can’t imagine what my life would be like without her…

I still remember like it was yesterday when I found out I was pregnant. It was mid-summer in Aug. 2008 when my mom insisted she take me to the ER to make sure I wasn’t dehydrated from all the vomiting from the past few weeks. She had asked me if there was any chance that I could be pregnant, and as any scared teen would say, I said no. I was in denial saying it couldn’t be possible, only to find out that yes it could be — and it was.

We headed to the ER and it felt as if the wait to be called was never-ending. I checked in and the nurse asked when was my last menstrual cycle. Since I’m extremely irregular, I couldn’t remember when was the last time I had gotten it. I was finally called in. The doctor asked the routine questions and ordered a pregnancy test. Once again, the wait was excruciatingly long. The whole time, my boyfriend and I were keeping in touch via text. He was definitely as worried as I was. Once the doctor came back, he asked my mom to step out of the room again since I was 19 and no longer considered a minor. He proceeded to confirm my fear that I was indeed expecting. It took a while to process and it felt as if time had stopped for that brief moment when I began to realize what he had just said. As soon as I came to that realization, the nurse came in with the discharge papers stating ‘pregnancy’ as the diagnosis. My boyfriend asked if the results were in. I wanted to tell him in person, but he wanted to know right then and there. So I told him. It’s safe to say that he was as shocked as I was. My mom asked what the doctor said. I told her he said I was slightly dehydrated. I couldn’t bear to tell her right then and there. As soon as I got home, my boyfriend stopped by. He asked to see the discharge papers, and it hit him as well. This was really happening and it was all VERY much real. We didn’t know what to do. We didn’t know how our parents would react. We didn’t know much about raising a child. We weren’t financially ready to bring a child into this world. We were scared. We were young. But we knew we had options.

I weighed my options. I thought maybe adoption Personally, I wouldn’t be able to carry this baby for nine months and giver her up, so I ruled out adoption. Now I was left with two options. I am very much against abortion, but let me be the first to say that your views change once you are in that situation. I thought my ‘what ifs’ but never really considered it. I thought about someone I knew who had an abortion. She lives her life as if nothing happened. I thought how she might of seen it as an easy way out, without considering the life she had created. Now I understand everyone has their views on these options but these were my thoughts and opinions.

I knew those options were not for me, but I realized it before I did anything rash. After a few days of thinking, and a failed visit (we both knew we didn’t want to go) to planned parenthood, we decided to tell our parents what was going on. He first told his mom. I wasn’t there, but I knew she was heartbroken and disappointed. A couple of days later, we told my parents. Words could not express how I felt that day. I feel so bad because my boyfriend did all the talking. I could not speak. I just stood there and cried because I was scared and I knew how disappointed they were. That night, my mom went to her room and cried.

It took a while for things to go back to normal and for my mom to adjust to the fact that her youngest daughter was pregnant. Despite our actions, our families were supportive. I cannot deny that we had and will always have a wonderful support system.

Even though I am a young mother, I will feel and experience everything an ‘average’ new mother would. I am a proud mother and proud of the decision that I made. It is difficult raising a child, but I will never regret bringing her into this world. Words cannot express the love that I have for this wonderful little person. When I look at her, I cannot believe that she is a part of me and her dad. She amazes me with her everyday achievements.

I am thankful for her father being a man, and sticking by my side through everything. And for that, I love him very much. I am proud of our little family and cannot wait to see what the future has in store for us.

And as I said before:

When I look at my daughter, I can’t imagine what my life would be like without her…