Dad

It’s often taken as a mistake for one to be young and father a child. Some would say bringing a kid into the world we live in today is terrible, specially at a young age. I’m a teen age expecting father to be. Whatever the situation where to be I know damn well I will love my kid no matter who or what comes in between us, he/she will come first. It was not too long ago (August) when I found out about becoming a father. Yes, it indeed was a surprise. At the age of 18 who can possibly feel like being a father/mother. Surprises usually come and go in my life. Here and there every day was a new adventure, surprises wouldn’t really be surprising to me often because they were something I’d expect.

In mid July the girl I’m currently with started to feel symptoms of pregnancy. It had been spoken of before and mentioned frequently about how neither of us would like to be a parent at such a young age. We were in denial and really had no idea the chances of it actually happening, becoming a parent at such a young age.

Throughout the process of denial and pretending it was nothing we continued to live life as we were. In mid August she had been taken to the ER because of lack of nutrition and hydration. Every mother knows when that happens the first things doctors run through you is a pregnancy test, as they did with her. The day she was there I was being active and communicating with her as much as possible, trying to comfort her and myself to think that it was just her feeling ill. About an hour or two later she notified me saying the doctors had told her the results for a pregnancy test they had given her. She had asked me if I wanted her to tell me in person or through the texts we were sending back and forward. I asked for her to tell me then at that point. I was completely scared. Becoming a father at such a young age never crossed my mind before, I had no idea what to expect or feel. My stomach was crunching within me and my body was shaking, mainly my arms. Every second that passed by without a text message in my inbox was painful.

The message finally arrived to me. She indeed was positive on the pregnancy test. At that point everything crossed my mind. I had no idea what to do, what to feel or better yet what to reply back to her. It had always been on my mind that if something like this were to happen abortion would be the obvious solution. It had crossed my mind quickly – the thought of abortion. I didn’t know what to do honestly. The feeling was gut wrenching for me, I could not imagine how she felt.

Confrontation

I’ve always been one to take care of my mistakes. Take and handle the consequences that came with whatever happened. There was no doubt in my mind that I would tell the parents of her about what we got ourselves into. It just had to wait.

At first abortion came to mind, and we were set on it for about a day or two after finding out. It was real awkward. Going to her house was hard for me. I couldn’t step inside knowing that I had done such a thing to their daughter. The first person to find out about the baby was my girlfriends’ sister. She was the first. She was surprised but throughout the whole 2 weeks we had to think about what to do she was there every step. She had given us ideas about what could be done; she herself did not want an abortion to be done. Which was understandable – I myself was starting to not think about abortion any longer. It was on my mind, but not much. She had brought up many things such as adoption and programs that help young parents. She basically noted out that it wasn’t all that bad what we got ourselves into. To this day, I thank her dearly for what she influenced on me.

As mentioned previously abortion was a plan, a thought, and idea, a solution, a problem fixer. We contacted doctors regarding what to do we had no idea. Planned Parenthood was an option that was researched before speaking to her sister. Even after speaking to her sister we continued to research it and keep in contact with them. We even set up an appointment to go through with an abortion.

The day of the appointment we arrived on time. Something that’s not usual of me. In my head I didn’t know what to do. I had to idea what to say to her on the ride there. We ended up at Planned Parenthood. It was scary. We are young. We don’t know how to feel. As we’re parking I notice not anyone walking in. I thought to myself maybe it was closed, but it wasn’t. Walking through the doors was a bad feeling amongst us. We both looked at each other with worried faces. There was a phone that we had to pick up in order to get buzzed through to the main offices. Picking up the phone was scary. It felt as if the phone had a 20-pound weight. It was picked up and we were on our way inside. Walking up the flight up stairs we looked at each other yet again, she was tearing. I was emotionless. She told me she didn’t want to go through with it. Upon her telling me that I sighed and did not know what to say yet again. I didn’t know what to do. I can’t blame her for not wanting to go through with it. I really can’t deep down I didn’t want it to happen.

On our way back home I began to cry. Not noticeable but we both knew what was going on with each other. She was crying I was too. The ride on the highway was like a ride down memory lane. My whole life came to mind and I kept on telling myself, my life is done now. I now have to worry about two people. I won’t be able to enjoy life as I did just 3 months ago. Everything will change. I thought the worst of it at that moment.  I can only imagine what she was thinking. I ended up dropping her off at her house and me going to mine. My parents were home and I knew they’d ask what the problem was. I had puffy eyes. I still had tears coming down my cheeks.

Just as I said – the first thing that happened upon walking inside my doors my mother asked what was wrong. I simply ignored it and walked to my room. Laid on my bed and continued crying thinking about the past and future. My mother being the person she is came inside my room to investigate what was wrong. I then told her. She made me feel comfortably telling me everything was going to be fine and that she’d be there for me every step of the way. She held me and told me she never expected this of me and never thought it’d happen so soon. It made me feel bad, it made me feel as if she were rubbing it in my face pretty much saying “you fucked up” which is understandable. I thank her for everything. She let me know that my girlfriend’s parents needed to be notified. I told her I’d take care of it. For about a week it felt weird coming home. Knowing that she was going to be a grandma. I barely enjoyed 18 years of life with her. Now she’s going to enjoy life with my kid who can just be added as another child of hers. I’m too young. She’s too young.

Days later it was time to tell my girlfriend’s parents. It was weird; it came up all of a sudden. I had no intentions of telling them immediately. I first had to think of stuff. I was out playing some volleyball with some friends at a local park. I got about 8 calls from her, which I wasn’t able to get to because I was playing. Upon looking at my phone and noticing the missed calls I called her back. She was out with some friends and they were talking about how it’d be a good idea to tell her parents that day. She was going to tell them that day. She called to ask if I wanted to join her in telling them. I said sure might as well get it done with. On my drive over to her house I was scared, shaking, once again emotionless. Not knowing what to say or do or better yet how to explain. My main concern was their reaction. As I got there I noticed my gf, her sister, sisters bf, and a friend of my gf’s sitting on her steps. I knew they all knew by then that we were going to tell her parents. I figured it’d be a lot less stressful in the house if they were inside with us as we told them.

I went up the flight of stairs. Her parents were watching tv. I went inside as I typically do and said hi. I stood in the kitchen and they asked what was wrong. I said nothing at all. Then I said, “I have something to tell you.” My heart stopped I guess you can say. I was scared. I thought my gf was going to say stuff along with me but at the end of everything she had said not a single word. It was all put on me. Literally.
Both parties found out. Both were shocked and said stuff. Both are now happy to be grandparents of a future healthy baby. This is where I begin a new life…